t-minus 3 seconds to self destruction...

why not blog.

it's been a while since i've sat down and actually written anything on this he blog, and i have a lot to rant and rave about.

let's start with cars. i'm getting to the point of not liking cars. reasons: got $100 parking ticket, car got broken into, car got slammed into by a woman driving too fast when i was at a stoplight, gas prices....everything with cars basically.

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this is where i ended last week (maybe 2 weeks ago) and here is where i pick up.

March 11th, 2008


i'm in a shitty mood. my life is more or less shitty decisions. i can seem to get anything right.

i made a stupid choice a couple weeks ago and as a result, put my well being in jeopardy. you would think that after something like that....one would learn their lesson.

not this guy...

i continually make stupid choices/mistakes and pay the price later. case in point...yesterday...another bonehead move.

I'm not sure why i do the stupid things i do...it's almost like on trying to ruin my life purposefully...though not directly. just one time, i want to make a choice where i know that there will be no bad repercussions against me. i'll let you all know if/when that ever happens...

...but don't get your hopes up. it's been 25 years of mistakes, and i'm still going strong in the fuck up department.

but enough about me...or is it...?

i've decided to list our my top 10 fears (although the order doesn't matter)...

10. walking/running zombies
9. the dark
8. kraft mac and cheese (specifically the cheese)
7. death
6. not being able to be successful
5. confrontation
4. losing friends (either through death/or me doing something to fuck up a friendship)
3. staying at my current job for much longer/finding a new job
2. being alone
1. never being confident/comfortable with myself/my actions/my choices, etc

i know...it's kind of a "pity party" blog and i'm sorry to subject you all to it, but i can't exactly vent to co-workers about the happenings of my life....being a catholic school and all...

so, i don't know what to do...i need to live my life, but i can't seem to do it right. i'm tired of hearing people say "well, this is how you learn lessons/now you know"

yea...no fucking shit i know. i appreciate my friends who bring their concerns up to me. i know it must be tough watching someone you care about self destruct....

almost as tough as actually self destructing...